GWARrior Pustulus Maximus Testifies Before Riot Fest 2017

GWAR's Pustulus Maximus Intergalactic shredder Pustulus Maximus is the avatar of Brent Purgason, GWAR’s lead guitarist and backing vocalist since 2012. GWAR will maraud Chicago’s Riot Fest on Sunday, September 17, from 7:15-8 p.m. on the Heather Owen Stage, at Douglas Park, 1401 S. Sacramento. Get some damn tickets. Pustulus Maximus responded to questions from Louise Adams, the avatar of Karin McKie, who is also the avatar of Vulva, her name if she were an American Gladiator. Their edited exchange is below. Louise Adams: What do you hope to do/see/eat/ride/kill/fuck when you’re in the Windy City for Riot Fest? Pustulus Maximus: I hope I don't have to see anyone, honestly. I wouldn't mind eating some awful Chicago stray dogs and some of that Illuminati's Pizza. I don't want to fuck anyone but myself. Nowadays you fuck someone backstage and later get accused of some heinous shit after their husbands find out. LA: Are you going to Riot in a Festive fashion? PM: In a primitive fashion. Fossil armor and arriving in vehicles powered by fossil fuels. LA: How much blood and liquid in gallons do you use each show? PM: Roughly the population of Papua New Guinea. LA: Are you featuring any special fluids at the Chicago show, like Cubs dopamine? PM: No, but that's actually a great idea. The guys in our band would benefit greatly from doping. If we had 'roids and were getting tasered every couple of seconds that would be a good show. Then there would be plenty of movement on stage. LA: How do you feel about the surge of those cosplay chumps at all these new “Cons” encroaching on your jam, and the glut of Marvel and DC anti-heroes? PM: I don't pay much attention to what goes on at conventions. We did a couple last year and I hated every minute of it. They don't understand GWAR. Are we anti-heroes or just anti-human? My main complaint is that people are generally enjoying themselves while being fleeced of cash. LA: I’m from northern Virginia, GWAR is from the center, Richmond. Describe your home commonwealth. PM: A state with more to offer than the shallowness of Richmond. LA: Why is Virginia a commonwealth and not a state? PM: More ways for those in power to stay that way I'm sure. LA: As sometime Virginians, what did you think about the Nazis, Klansmen and white supremacists in Charlottesville? And the presidential response? PM: Fuck 'em. Race is a socially engineered idea. It isn't worth anything and, as long as humans identify themselves culturally and socially by colors, you're gonna continue to have problems. You people are so primitive. It's time for you to evolve mentally but I think the American educational system and social media have both severely stunted that growth. This is why you have a complete moron as President and your peers are simply allowing this type of behavior. The extreme right is being formed in response to the ridiculousness of the extreme left. That's it, plain and simple. Right and wrong are unimportant. Polarization leads to more division and the self-righteous are the guiltiest of anyone. LA: Is GWAR ready for war? PM: The war talk is being blown out of proportion by the media. Must be slow news days. Nothing has changed in North Korea and they aren't foolish enough to attack another nation which would ultimately result in isolating themselves further into seclusion or destabilizing the country altogether. Donald Trump is not a smart man and unwilling to steer the world in a direction that would benefit humankind and the environment we live in. The world's foundation is capitalist so until education and health become more valuable than money you're fucked. LA: Tell me how GWAR interprets and supports folks that are LGBTQQIA, besides ass-less chaps. PM: GWAR doesn't care about sexuality. We fuck anything we want and what we cum in is not how we are identified.  I'll never understand the human obsession with putting labels on everything that exists. LA: Are you feminists yet? PM: The song “Crushed by the Cross” off our new record is about religion interfering with women's health and reproductive rights. You tell me. LA: Is Alice Cooper a poseur? PM: He's always been cool to us. LA: KISS are shitheads, right? PM: They are smarter businessmen than us. LA: What’s the one question that you’ve always wanted to be asked, but have never been asked? PM: When can I go home? Sooner than you think.
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Karin McKie

Karin McKie is a Chicago freelance writer, cultural factotum and activism concierge. She jams econo.